By Joseph
My story of my conversion from Christian to Critical Thinker:
This will not be a list of the contradictions that show the
reasonability of my unbelief, but more of a personal background and
narrative.
I, like many, was raised in "christian home". Religious activity was a
formative part of our family life, going to church/youth
group/lock-ins etc. We prayed before meals and before bed time.
I converted to Christianity at the age of 15. I was part of a youth
group that had a annual meeting every year called Ascension
Convention.
This is was the solidifying follow up to a conversion experience that
preyed on my fatherless home trauma. In this meeting I was shown how
to be drunk in the holy spirit. which I know now I faked, but this is
the beginning of the damage.
The modern church, with their emphasis on entertainment and fun, is
only there to sweeten the tart cautionary tale of the gospel. Believe
or suffer.
(the medieval church wasn't entertaining teens, they were scaring them
half to death by oppressing secular ideas and threatening actions)
My oh my how the modern church has evolved.
I was totally apart, my entire basis of friends and community was not
based on what we liked to do or similar interests but instead all
interaction
was predicated on the union of belief. We believed first and then
interacted. Now, I had a lot of fun and lived a relatively un
controversial life.
Except for an average amount of friction with my mom about regular
teenage things I had good relationships.
I continued my growth in the faith by becoming a veracious reader of
Christian apologetics. I always wanted to sharpen my understanding so
I could answer the objections non christians would bring up. Even then
I was probably seeking solace in the mental gymnastics of Christian
apologetics to help seal the work I wanted so badly to be complete and
absolute. It was neither, and it would never be sealed.
I went to Europe to complete a course in biblical studies, I was asked
to leave because I objected to the manipulation i saw in the
teachings.
I had traveled a bit before and maybe wasn't so enthralled by being
away from home and just "wanting to be apart" like a lot of the
others.
One teaching was when they asked the students link arms around a
wooden cross and the teachers would pretend to be demons trying to
break through. It was hardly aggressive but certainly misleading. I
was a christian then and objected based on the inconsistent metaphor.
Traditional christian teachings would realize that a believer has no
capacity to protect jesus as well as no capacity to "save" another
person.
How powerful is this god who needs us to rally together to protect him anyways?
Fast forward over the last 8 years and I spent time touring, going to
school, working and trying to figure out my path. I thought of myself
as
a christian but was nothing like the image i had in my mind as a 15
year old. I got married, had a beautiful baby boy who is now 2.5. I
love my son.
I was in counseling for the past 2 years with a christian counselor
but she didn't really talk about faith much.
My wife and I had stopped going to church, because we were generally
perplexed by the whole thing and didn't really fit.
One day in a counseling session I had a breakthrough... I was
frustrated by lack of power of my faith to change me,
to make me into the man I wanted to be. I was thinking about the
scriptures telling me that "if you love me, you'll obey me",
I knew then I didn't love god. I contrasted then the care and love and
powerful connection I have to my son to this god I had served with so
many of my years.. or tried.
Nothing really to compare there. I saw like a flash all the
sensational moments I had claimed god at work in and found them full
of my own self deception.
The spell is broken:
i lack a belief in god or any gods. This process has been wonderful
really, I have enjoyed the rediscovery of the world with much
gratitude.
I have experienced the impact of responsibility that I formally put on
a ghost but now gladly work harder for the life I want with more
optimism and joy than ever before.
My hope is that more people with think through the contradictions of
religious belief and object without fear to the inconsistency and
reclaim our responsibility and our humanity.
Thanks for reading!
Joseph
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