Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

From:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/sumerians-look-on-in-confusion-as-god-creates-worl,2879/

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians,
looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord
Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform
script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems
of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their
sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation
reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into
their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting
the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching
his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there
is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but
I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not
need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event,
Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling
metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of
dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records,
Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only
befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the
water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to
Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same
animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and
cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth
in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an
annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history
professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are
true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an
entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most
puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human
beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate,
lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual
capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be
the creation of a complete idiot."